更新時(shí)間：2021-12-04 09:50:40作者：admin2
幽默演講——調(diào)侃自己（中英對(duì)照）
演講者如何調(diào)侃自己
作為一個(gè)演講者，我從觀眾那只得到過(guò)兩種抱怨：一種是我講話聲音太大了，他們無(wú)法入睡；第二種是我講得時(shí)間太長(zhǎng)了，他們無(wú)法一直清醒。
As a speaker, I’ve only had two complaints from audiences. One, that I talk so loud they can’t fall asleep. And two, that I talk so long they can’t stay awake.
創(chuàng)新句子：你們或者睡覺(jué)，或者不睡，只要不打呼嚕，我就接著講。
作為一個(gè)講演者，他的演講總拿來(lái)和林肯的哥得堡演講[一個(gè)著名的演講]相比較。當(dāng)他演講結(jié)束時(shí)，也有悲傷、眼淚和悲痛——特別是計(jì)劃委員會(huì)。
As a speaker, he has often been compared to Abraham Lincoln delivering the Gettysburg Address. When he finishes his speech, there is also sorrow, tears and mourning ---- especially by the program committee.
幽默注釋?zhuān)貉葜v者講得太糟糕了，組織者哭得很傷心。
演講結(jié)束時(shí)，宴會(huì)主人感謝你從繁忙的日程中抽出時(shí)間來(lái)——你泰然自若，優(yōu)雅地點(diǎn)頭微笑著，心里非常清楚你日歷上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝點(diǎn)咖啡。
Poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.
幽默注釋?zhuān)阂恍├细刹客诵莺鬀](méi)什么事干，有人請(qǐng)他參加一些活動(dòng)，他還假裝很忙，好象推開(kāi)了很多事才趕去似的。
過(guò)去我演講時(shí)常常會(huì)比較緊張，但那時(shí)我看到一條信息說(shuō)如果你想象所有的觀眾都是裸體會(huì)有所幫助。此時(shí)此刻，我站在這里想象著觀眾都是裸體，真的起作用，我不再緊張了，但眼睛有些疲勞。
I used to get nervous when giving a speech but then I read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked. And so, at this very moment, I’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked. And it really works. I no suffer from nervousness. Eyestrain. Yes.
幽默注釋?zhuān)喊延^眾想象成裸體，意思是我不怕你們，就不緊張了。
創(chuàng)新句子：大部分人站在講臺(tái)上都會(huì)有點(diǎn)兒緊張，我屬于少部分人，我非常緊張。
我本人不自負(fù)——我簡(jiǎn)直不能告訴你們我是多么欽佩我這一點(diǎn)。
Personally, I have never been conceited --- and I can’t tell you how much I admire myself for that.
幽默句子：他因?yàn)樽约翰蛔载?fù)，所以變得非常驕傲。
創(chuàng)新句子：我一點(diǎn)兒都不自負(fù)，我希望別人也這么看我。
我先用簡(jiǎn)單明了的英語(yǔ)演講，以后我再翻譯給律師聽(tīng)。
Let me put this into plain English. I’ll translate it for the lawyers later.
幽默注釋?zhuān)郝蓭熆傁矚g用復(fù)雜的語(yǔ)言，簡(jiǎn)單的話都聽(tīng)不懂了。
創(chuàng)新句子：我的講話有三個(gè)版本，小學(xué)生版本，中學(xué)生版本，大學(xué)生版本，你是聽(tīng)小學(xué)一年紀(jì)版的，還是小學(xué)二年紀(jì)版的？
如果你聽(tīng)過(guò)這個(gè)故事，請(qǐng)不要打斷我，我就知道這一個(gè)故事。
If you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one I know.
幽默注釋?zhuān)壕褪悄阒纼蓚€(gè)故事，講故事前也可以這么說(shuō)。
創(chuàng)新句子：我講個(gè)笑話，如果你們聽(tīng)過(guò)，也希望裝做沒(méi)聽(tīng)過(guò)，我也這樣照顧你們。
演講就象給草坪澆水，如果有四分之一的水滲下去你就滿意了。
Making a speech is like watering a lawn. You’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.
幽默注釋?zhuān)河腥舜蚝魢＃腥苏f(shuō)話，都是正常的，有四分之一觀眾聽(tīng)就不錯(cuò)了。
演講開(kāi)始時(shí)我們有一些共同點(diǎn)，你們不知道我要講什么——我也不知道。
At the very start, let me just say that we both have something in common. You don’t know what I’m going to say --- and neither do I.
幽默句子：即興演講的開(kāi)場(chǎng)白。
創(chuàng)新句子：我不知道你們會(huì)不會(huì)喜歡我的演講，我不知道我要講點(diǎn)兒什么。
開(kāi)始前我想告訴你們下面的演講已經(jīng)編輯成了電視節(jié)目，我現(xiàn)在少講20分鐘，我們能夠及時(shí)趕回家看2臺(tái)的節(jié)目。
Before I begin, I want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television. I cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.
幽默注釋?zhuān)悍胖F(xiàn)場(chǎng)不看，偏要回家在電視上看。
可能你們有些人知道我今晚出現(xiàn)在這里有兩個(gè)原因：第一個(gè)原因是你們的計(jì)劃委員會(huì)一直在設(shè)法尋找一個(gè)聰明、有趣、老練的演講者，——他們找到了。第二個(gè)原因是那個(gè)人病了，所以就打電話把我找來(lái)了。
As some of you may know, I’m appearing here tonight for two very good reasons. The first reason is your Program Committee was trying to find a speaker who’s intelligent, entertaining, sophisticated --- and they did. The second reason is, he got sick so they called me.
幽默注釋?zhuān)阂婚_(kāi)始好象在說(shuō)自己很牛，其實(shí)就是個(gè)臨時(shí)替場(chǎng)。
創(chuàng)新句子：我認(rèn)為我演講很風(fēng)趣，可為什么沒(méi)人笑呢？
有人有舞臺(tái)恐懼癥，我沒(méi)有；舞臺(tái)不會(huì)怎么樣我，是觀眾快把我嚇?biāo)懒耍?br>Some people suffer from stage fright. I don’t. The stage doesn’t bother me at all. It’s the audience that scares the hell out of me!
幽默注釋?zhuān)簊tage fright舞臺(tái)恐懼癥，而不是舞臺(tái)嚇唬我。
我們每個(gè)人都希望能在某一時(shí)刻把時(shí)鐘撥回去。如果我能夠把時(shí)鐘撥回去45分鐘，我就是這間房間里最幸福的人，我把演講稿落在廚房桌子上了。
At one time or another, I think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock. I know if I could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, I’d be the happiest person in this room. Because that’s when I left my speech on the kitchen table.
幽默注釋?zhuān)鹤约荷吓_(tái)前還在刻苦練習(xí)，演講稿落家里了，講錯(cuò)了希望觀眾包涵。
我不想吹牛，但上次我演講時(shí)所有的觀眾都站了起來(lái)，他們?cè)僖矝](méi)有坐下，直到走到他們的汽車(chē)那兒。
I don’t want to brag, but the last time I did this it brought the audience to its feet. And they never sat down again until they reached their cars.
幽默注釋?zhuān)河^眾聽(tīng)他演講，都站起來(lái)走了，他還在吹牛呢。
創(chuàng)新句子：我演講時(shí)用一種平緩的語(yǔ)速娓娓道來(lái)，觀眾睡得很香甜。
如果我有點(diǎn)兒猶豫，你們一定要原諒我，這是我第一次飯后演講——在賣(mài)當(dāng)勞里沖我的小孩兒喊叫除外。
If I’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me. This is the first after-dinner speech I’ve ever made ---except for yelling at my kids in McDonald’s.
幽默注釋?zhuān)鹤猿白约貉葜v沒(méi)什么經(jīng)驗(yàn)。
創(chuàng)新句子：你可能知道我已經(jīng)養(yǎng)成了飯后演講的習(xí)慣。
我不習(xí)慣面對(duì)這么多觀眾演講，讓我鼓起勇氣的一件事情就是我在談?wù)撐易钕矚g的題目——我。
I’m not used to speaking to such a large audience. The one thing that gives me courage is that I’m speaking on my favorite subject --- me.
幽默注釋?zhuān)弘娨暽侠鲜茄?qǐng)一些名人在那兒大談自己，這些人開(kāi)場(chǎng)可以這么說(shuō)。
人們總問(wèn)我為什么我戴頂10加侖的紅色帽子（或者一些其它非常顯眼的衣服飾品），我告訴他們那是我采取的積極現(xiàn)實(shí)的生活態(tài)度。我知道不管發(fā)生什么事情，善良的上帝總在注視著我們。現(xiàn)在地球上有60億人，我希望上帝能從蕓蕓眾生中一眼就挑出我來(lái)。
People always ask me why I wear a big red ten gallon hat (or some other very noticeable article of clothing) and I tell them. It has to do with taking a positive but practical view of life. For instance, I know that no matter what happens, the good Lord is watching over us. Then again, there are now six billion of us, so I want to make darn sure He can pick me out of the crowd.
幽默注釋?zhuān)憾嗝葱路f的創(chuàng)意，戴頂綠帽子就想引起上帝注意。
創(chuàng)新句子：別再說(shuō)謊了，趁上帝還沒(méi)注意你。
如果你們?cè)试S我準(zhǔn)備讀我的講稿，我有三個(gè)理由：第一，我記憶力非常差——其它兩個(gè)原因我記不清了。
With your permission, I’m going to read this paper. I’m going to read it for three reasons: one, I have a very poor memory –and the other two I can’t remember.
幽默注釋?zhuān)簽樽约和~找好借口。
創(chuàng)新句子：我記憶力不好，我忘了把講稿帶來(lái)。
不必要的單詞是精彩演講的禍根，我再重復(fù)一遍…
Unnecessary words are the bane of good speeches. Let me repeat that…
幽默注釋?zhuān)哼@時(shí)候重復(fù)帶來(lái)很好的效果。
創(chuàng)新句子：演講時(shí)最忌諱重復(fù)，我再說(shuō)一遍：千萬(wàn)不要重復(fù)。
有時(shí)候確實(shí)讓人糊涂，你看見(jiàn)代表舉起了胳膊，但你根本確定不了他是在憑良心選舉還是在檢查他的關(guān)節(jié)炎。
It did get a little confusing at times. If you saw a delegate raising his arm, you could never be quite sure if he was voting his conscience or testing his arthritis.
幽默注釋?zhuān)河腥伺e胳膊未必是在真心選你。
創(chuàng)新句子：選舉時(shí)只要我關(guān)節(jié)炎不犯，我肯定會(huì)舉手。
對(duì)不起，（從錢(qián)包里拽出一張紙幣，象拿手絹一樣，在上面打噴嚏，然后扔掉）如果說(shuō)我憎恨什么的話，那就是炫耀。
Excuse me. (Pull a bill from your wallet, handle it as you would a handkerchief, sneeze and then throw the bill away and say) If there’s one I hate ostentation.
幽默注釋?zhuān)红乓桑绣X(qián)人有炫耀的資本。
創(chuàng)新句子：我不想炫耀，有學(xué)問(wèn)的人不愛(ài)炫耀。
你們都知道，在公司里我只要求員工三件事：誠(chéng)實(shí)、正直和崇拜偶像。
As you know, in all these years with the company, I have only asked for three things from my staff: honesty, integrity and idolatry.